Sibling Separation!!

We're doing OK so far...that is with helping Rits learn how to be nice to his friends. It's amazing how kids can change right in front of your own eyes in such a short time. If anything, Rits was the most thoughtful charming little boy, and still is most of the time. I'm probably making a mountain out of a molehill but believe I need to nip it in the bud!

His week of grounding is taking a toll on him, as he realises how much he is missing out on. The hardest thing is early bedtimes, followed by not playing with his neighborhood buddies. He can play in the garden or on his bike...but, alone! Now that's tough for him because he is so used to being around other kids.

How is the Sibling separation going?

It's harder to achieve than I thought! As soon as they try to interact with one another, we have to remind them that they are not supposes to. I told Niks about his little brothers behavior and how I believe it stems partly from his negativeness towards him. I'm not talking about brothers fighting and not getting on....I'm talking about constantly demeaning someone, no matter what they do. Rits can be eating and make a slight comment about any topic, and you can be sure Niks will counter act with a smart answer and try to take merit. His aim is to make Rits feel bad about himself!

As a parent, I find this very hard to deal with because although I had little squabbles with my siblings, we still looked out for each other. I wasn't taught any of this...it came naturally. Then why do I need to teach my own kids about this? We're not a family where we have fights, or use bad language, or watch anything out of the ordinary. Probably the complete opposite! Aren't children supposed to learn from watching their piers? I thought so but I guess they are exposed to so many outside factors that it's hard for us to monitor.

BUT, monitor it, I will! I'm on their heels constantly, almost like a bodyguard. I know they don't appreciate it, but they will, when they are older. I'm remaining constant in my communication with them....from the usual "sit properly, say please and thank you", to saying kind words like "well done, that's nice, great point" and many many others. I did this anyway, but probably not enough. Pointing out mistakes they are making, and giving them an alternate way to get the same message across, seems to be helping. I keep telling them that there is nothing wrong with the message, it's how you deliver it!

All this, along with the usual daily routine seems to keep me energized, I guess it's the green tea I drink! I'm managing to spend enough time in growing my business, and cook, and clean, and take them to soccer, and..........

As always, the list goes on!

Negative Behavior

What a weekend....yes I did manage to stay awake to watch the Oscars. What a night for Slumdog Millionaire! Who would have thought that gangster life in the slums of India, and the chance to escape it, could make for such a thrilling film. I would definitely recommend it if you haven't had a chance to go and see it. The music speaks for itself, and if you want to hear and see more, just do a quick search on YouTube.

Today is dedicated to 24...another one of my must see TV shows. It gives hope to people that good will overcome over evil!! It's good to be able to relax after a long day. One hour outside in the freezing cold was more than enough for me.
As I have mentioned before, both my boys have started soccer season.

Niks is well into his game and learning that he needs to listen to his coach. I've tried to get him to understand that his coach is a coach for a reason. He has a lot of knowledge about the game and it's up to them to listen and take as much as they can, to help them play a better game. Hopefully they'll win a few games this season as they continue to grow.

Rits had his "meet the coach" day today and luckily we have the same coach as last year. A few of his team mates are returning players too, so as expected, Rits was on a high. He really likes his coach because the first thing he stresses is that the game is supposed to be fun. Amongst all the playfulness he still manages to teach them some valuable skills. Listening is always a difficult thing for Rits so we're hoping this year is a little better.

You see, Rits is going through a "bad" phase at the moment. It almost feels like I don't know my own son! He has this strange attitude problem like he is better than his friends and the best at everything. I love is self confidence, but a little too over confidant for my liking. He upsets his friends by teasing them and saying demeaning things. This is very out of character for him so we need to put a stop to this and get to the root of the problem.

Part of the root is his brother Niks! You may wonder why I say this...well, he is always mean to his younger brother. Even though we are constantly telling him to be nice to him, he continues to taunt him whenever he gets the chance.

To try to tackle this problem, we have decided to separate the two boys as much as we possibly can.... Almost like a grounding from each other. Hopefully if they are separated for long enough, Rits won't hear negative comments made towards him and stop doing the same to his friends. We will wait and see, and as always, I'll keep you posted.

Behaving Correctly.

Once again it has been a good weekend and I write this as I watch the Oscars. It looks like Slumdog Millionaire is going home with lots of Oscars. They have won two already! This is a film I enjoyed watching but do not want my children to watch. Not only is there violence in the film, it also portrays a very dark side of India. Sure, a very small part of India is shown in true light but MOST of India, even though it's poor, is a very beautiful country. I don't want to put them off going there in the future!

We always try to shield our children form harm and bad influences and hope we are doing enough for them. I know I try very hard to limit what they watch on TV and what kind of games they play. Then why is Rits in trouble at school? His teacher has said that his behavior with other children is not good. When he came home on Friday, I sat him down and asked what he has been doing.

His eyes are the first thing to give him away! He knew what I was talking about and told me that he says bad things to his friend like "looser". I was shocked to hear him say that because I though I knew my son better. How do I deal with this?
Firstly, I proceeded to tell him about the rights and wrongs of how to speak to people and refrain form using bad language. We are not a family who like to use foul language so I needed to look into this further.

He is also grounded for a week with all his "fun" things taken away. He can not watch any TV or play with his DS or Wii. I may give him limited TV time after a week but I think the other things will have to earned back slowly.
Now I need to look into the why part of his behavior. After talking to a few people I think we have it narrowed down.

Rits is the youngest in our family...I don't mean just my little foursome, I mean our extended family and friends. He is around older people and children all the time, many of whom are teenagers. We think he has picked up a little here and there and thinks it's "cool" to relay what he over hears to his friends.

For the time being, we have put a stop to his behavior issues and need to be more vigilant when we have our usual get together. I'll keep you posted with any progress or the lack of!

p.s. He is fully recovered from his sore throat and thanks to everyone who asked about him.

Learning New Things.

I am guilty!! yes, I caved in and let Rits stay home today!! He was up at 2am complaining of a sore throat, so I gave him something to make him comfortable and decided to let him sleep in. He woke up at around 8am and still felt a little off color. Luckily he didn't have a fever so I knew it wasn't anything serious.
Staying home seemed to feel like a treat to him so we had to balance some TLC with a little school work.

Once he was ready and feeling a bit better he had to read and do some of his work book. He tried to distract me from doing some work, but once I explained that I need to do a couple of hours of work because this is when I usually do it, he understood and left me alone. I was quite impressed! He had another outlet for all his energy....he hung out with his dad instead. I called it bonding time!!

I find that in today's society it's difficult for kids to get equal time with both parents. One or sometimes both parents are usually out of the home, working hard to support the family. We were in the same boat when we had our business. Sunny is still trying to find something else but meanwhile helps me with my home business. I chose this avenue because I want to be home for my children. I can do my chores while they are at school and be available to take them to their out of school activities...mainly soccer.

For the first time in a long time, I feel like I am actually in control of my life...don't get me wrong....it's a a lot of work, but I can juggle it around my schedule. I'm learning more than I knew I was able to, and enjoying the process. I hope this is a good lesson for the kids so they realise that you are never too old to learn new things.

I do believe that if you set your mind to anything you can achieve success. I have set a goal of two years for me to start seeing residual income. Wish me luck!
Hopefully I can help others to do the same, so that they can grow with me.
My kids have a real lesson to learn here....the feel good factor when you help others!

By the way...Rits is fast asleep and hasn't complained since lunch time. that means school tomorrow!

Home from school!

This morning I awoke to Rits complaining about a scratchy throat....he said it felt like there were pins in his throat. My immediate reaction was oh no..not strep! My memory of strep is nightmarish and something I do not wish upon anyone, especially children.
I made him my trusted Indian herbal remedy of turmeric, holy basil and honey mixture followed by salt gargles. He seemed much better and temperature free. Breakfast went down just fine...no swallowing problems, so off to school we went.
Once Niks left with my neighbors for middle school I settled down to breakfast, followed by some work on my home business.
In the midst of emailing I get a call from the school clinic telling me about Rits and his pins and needles throat. I ask if I need to pick him up, only to be told that he wants to be picked up, and I should because she doesn't see him in the clinic often! Go figure.
Once he is home, I give him some Tylenol for the pain (again, no fever)and ask him to sleep. "I can't sleep". He wants to play outside on his bike!!!!

Time for home school !!.
Now we do not have a happy bunny in the house as we ask him to read for twenty minutes followed by some pages in his work book. We make sure he is kept busy at home so he doesn't think it's easy to get out of school. This is a first for him and we want to make sure it's the last, unless of course he is truly ill.
Another dose of my mums magic home remedy and he seems to be ok.

Do we let him stay up to watch Knight Rider? Oh no..you need to sleep early when you are not well so that you can get better quickly. Once again we manage to send him in to a frown, but none the less....a lesson learned.

Tomorrow is another day so lets hope his throat heals as he sleeps. I felt like a cruel mom today but feel we need to be every so often. I'll keep you posted about his progress...fingers crossed.

Niks has his own issues of the day, but I'll get into that another day as I don't think I have enough time today! Mostly relating to manners and respect.
Sometimes I wonder why it's so difficult to teach kids the basics, but I guess that is a mothers challenge! We keep going and trying to help them have a better future for themselves. Perhaps one day...one day, they will come back and say thank you.
Until then, I'll keep on with my day to day juggles.

Soccer Season.

My daily routine just got busier again with the start of soccer. Niks and Rits are both into soccer or football as we call it. It's only a natural thing, seeing that we are from UK. I am told by their coaches that they are skilled players which I find quite amusing.

Niks is a bookworm....he loves to read and is a bit of an intellect. When he was younger he was a very sore looser. Whether it was tic tac toe (naught & crosses) or Monopoly....he would have tantrums if he lost and ruin every one's mood. He still has many issues we deal with but learning to loose gracefully is coming form sports.
I enrolled him when he was 6-7 years old so he could learn how to loose!! I know it sounds rough....but, mission accomplished. Where he used to gripe and moan about loosing a game for what would seem like forever, he simply says he played well but the other team was better. It took a couple of seasons for him to simply enjoy the game no matter what the outcome. Having said that, he is still very competitive and will do his best to win. It's taken a long time, but he is finally understanding the concept of playing as a team....you can't win on your own merit.

Rits on the other hand isn't so much a bookworm...probably the opposite, but intelligent none the less. He is more of a social bunny and loves the game. It means he can spend time with his buddies. He thinks he is the best player on the team and shows off a lot. My aim is to teach him to play as a team and include everyone no matter how good they are. He sees how other kids are as talented as him, if not more so, and enjoys their company. If he looses a game, it motivates him to play better the following week.

My wish is hoping they have similar practice schedules so It's easier for me to ferry them around. Niks is going three times this week and Rits is still waiting to hear which team he is on. This gives me one more week of rest as I know next week is going to get hectic. Once we're at the fields, I get a chance to walk...good practice time to train for my half marathon!

My friends and I managed to walk 7-8 miles on Sunday....and my legs were sore that evening, but not the next day. I was expecting to be in a lot of pain, but I guess the gradual training is paying off. Laziness crept in this morning so I missed my walk...I'll catch up in the evening. Promise!

Manners and Dediction.

Another busy weekend has flown by with yet another party to attend. This time is was bowling and I raise my hand to anyone who can strike those pins. I reverted to helping the little kids and eating pizza! Even both boys play better than I do.
How did they behave? Not bad today...we sat both of them down before leaving and asked them to do a few things. Both boys have a tendency of interrupting. They feel like they should take part in every conversation we have, with whomever! I don't get it....I daren't cut into my parents conversations when I was little. Why do they lack basic manners? Where are we going wrong?
I hear this from many of my friends and feel it's society today. I'm not sure of the answer but I will not give up in finding the cure. I asked both boys to do a simple task.....to pause for a few seconds before they do anything and ask themselves a question. "Am I going to make my parents proud of me of will they be disappointed with me?". They are both very smart intelligent boys so are very aware of the answer....they simply need reminders.
A simple example would be when the pizzas were served. On a normal day, my eldest would act as if he never gets fed at home and scavenge his way through the food. Today...he ate like a mature kid and asked before he could have seconds! Now that's what I call progress. My younger son...well he's trying very hard too. He didn't stare at the birthday cake like he'd never seen cake before. I'm hoping that if I keep reminding them about the question, they'll eventually understand how to behave and become well mannered little boys.
They both played up in the morning so were told that they would have early bed times. I'm sure this motivated them to ask themselves my simple question. Tomorrow will be another day, and, hopefully a good one.

My friends and I decided to train together for the half marathon we have signed up for, so I left the party early...left my husband with the kids! Yeah...he manged just fine.
How did the walk go?
For the first time since we signed up, we walked 7+ miles and I can feel it. My legs hurt and so do my feet.I feel a shopping trip coming up!! Even though my muscles are in pain, I have to get out there tomorrow and not give in. I know I can do it....I'm not going to let my girls down.

Happy Valentines Day!

It's hard to believe that Valentines day is here agian....the last year has flown by. The morning started out really well with some nice red roses and cards from my husband and children. What do we do for the boys today? Well, we had decided to take them to watch Pink Panther 2. They loved the first one and watch it over and over without tiring of it, followed by dinner at Taco Bell! ( their choice, not mine).

My older son decided to talk back rather rudely to his dad saying some hurtful things. I let my husband deal with it while I listened on from the kitchen. I hear him say that the afternoon plans are cancelled and he has to miss out. This is followed by shouting and yelling and eventually a sort of calm.
Whilst they were in the midst of their conversation, I grabbed my camera and recorded their debate about who started and who was to blame and so forth.
After lunch, I hooked the camera to the TV and played back on high volume! Yes...my son came running down and fretted to try to turn it off. I made him listen to himself...to get an idea of how bad he sounds when he gets into his "I know better than you" mode. He didn't like it very much and appologised for his behavior...

What do we do now? Do we ruin his valentines day or do we let him go and watch his movie? Is it good to give in? What will he learn if we give in?
So many questions with no real answers. We have to parent to the best of our abilities, so my husband and I talk it out and decide to let him go. We gave him some conditions though....he has to give up his new I-touch for one month and do certain chores in the house.
I hope we have mad the right decision and more so, I hope our son learns to compromise and do the right thing in the future.
p.s. Happy Valentines Day.

Friday the 13th!

It's Friday the 13th and many of my friends are very superstitious.....unlike myself. My 8 year old son came home to tell me that bad things happen on this day because of the date. Obvioulsy, I reply very casually telling him that it was not true and bad and good things can happen on any day. He proceeded to tell me that the swing at school broke today and a little girl was hurt (nothing serious).
I went on to tell him how the horrific plane crash in Buffalo New York happened yesterday on the 12th.
I went on to explain that we don't have any control over certain things, but not to worry about it being worse on a certain date. I do hope he doesn't become superstitious and sees life through reasoning, without worrying his little mind with the fear of bad things happening.
As for the victims of the Continental Connection Flight 3407, may their souls rest in peace and may god give their families strength and hope to continue with their lives. I know grief is a very difficult thing to go through so I pray they all have a good support structure around them, to help them get through these difficult times.
I will say a prayer for them today, along with many others.

Walking

Now that I have signed up for a half marathon, I have become much more exersize consious. I actually wake up and feel like I need to work out so that I can finish my 13 miles that I have commited to. I will be walking it instead of running...one step at a time. Does this mean that once the marathon is over, I'll revert back to my usual do nothing routine? I certainly hope not.
I feel more energized now and I'm barely breaking a sweat so I know I can go much much furhter in my routine. I've found a couple of good walking partners who motivate me and keep me going. My legs feel more toned already and it's only been a week or so. Maybe I will budge those few extra pounds that have crept up over the last couple of years. Now that would be a huge bonus.
Believe it or not, I actually feel more relaxed, even though I'm doing the same amount of work and then some. I've managed to fit walking time into my daily routine withoug giving up time with the kids. It's amazing what we can achieve if we really want to. It's a shame that I had to sign up for an official marathon to realize this.
I encourage anyone to take out 30 minutes a day for a brisk walk. My 2 boys came with me last night before dinner, and we talked about all sorts of things from music to school to even politics. My twelve year old is very enquisitive about life and "grown up" topics, so it was nice to have a realxing conversation while my 8 year old rode his bike along side us.
I feel I am more productive with my business too....good all around!

Working from Home

Discipline, discipline discipline!!!
I can't stress it more than that. In order to achieve any kind of success from working at home, I have had to realise that I HAVE TO create time for myself, to actually work the business. Family and friends have not yet realized thay I am BUSY and actually working to support my family. The thought me being at home makes them think that I am free all day.
Part of the reason is that most of us work in a traditional environment...away from home. It's a matter of educating the people around you so they understand what you do. Working form home is turning out to be pretty good, as I am learning more now than ever before. The difference is that I set my own hours and have finaaly got the will power to sit and devote my time to my business. I like to read and found many tips online about how to get organized at home.
Once my boys have left for school I sit and start to advertise my products and write plans on what to implement next etc. the housework can be doen around the kids routine once they are home. I consider myself a bit of a TV addict, but since starting with Seriesse, I actually don't mind working while I watch my programs.
I urge anyone who wants to earn more money or simply want to work because they are "Domestic Engineers" to look into Seriesse. I'll get into the business in my next post.
Both of my boys watch me while I work and realize that it's not that hard to sit and concentrate on what you are doing. Homework time is easier now because they sit and get it done. My older son still has a few issues and tries to drag it out to no avial. I set time limits for him so he can learn time management. Like I said earlier...Discipline, discipline, discipline!

Self Esteem

I'ts been a busy weekend with parties for the kids followed by get togethers at friends homes wich last late into the night. It takes a toll, as getting up on Saturday morning for soccer is next to impossible. Alas, we have no choice and manage to get to the sports center for a miserable game which was lost by a landslide. The kids still have to be told how they played well and tried their best and as always followed by "better luck next week".
Are false paraises a good thing? I'm not so sure but am told that is the way to go so that we do not harm our children's self esteem. I'm always told to praise their posotive efforts and let them know how well they are doing. Do not reinforce their negative behaviors.
Truthfully, my son played terribly in his game. They didn't work as a team and were simply beaten because the opposing team played much better and were concentrating on the game. I start by telling him it was ok to loose and the usual shpeel about doing better next time...but....my tongue gets the better of me and I start to critisize. I try to do it in a constructive manner by explaining where he had made mistakes and how he could avoid doing the same thing next time. He took it quite well and hopefully will improve next week. Again, that will depend on his mood when he wakes up. Part of this weeks failure is because he didn't get enough sleep so I guess I take responsibility for that. It's difficult to avoid social commitments, especially when it involves close friends and family so the kids will just have to learn and adapt to the odd late night here and there.
Did I harm his self esteem? I don't think so ,because he reamined adamant that he played a good game and bad luck made them loose. A little over confidant perhaps, but better than lacking in self conficdance. His little brother seems to be learning from all this and should do ok for himself too. He believes he is the best player in his team. Ah, the wonders of children!

Motivation

A new day, a new task to set. It was a good morning today because the kids were golden and went to school without any tantrums or complaints. In fact, they get bonus points for reminding me to cut their nails!!
Why Motivation?
My friends manged to convince me do the Half Marathon in march so I signed up. I'm not sure if I did the right thing because I haven't hit the treadmill for a very long time. the most running I do is behind the kids and clearing up or at the mall every once in a while.
I have to get motivated...what do I do? I have half an hour to spare while my son gets ready so I get on my flying machine (gazelle) and start. Not bad actually, as I feel better for it. My legs are a bit sore, so shows how unfit I am.
I'm hoping to shed a few pounds in my quest to get fit and be able to walk/jog the half marathon. If I mange this then I'll call it my bonus check!
Once the morning routine is done, it's crunch time. I've decided to start work from home so I can be here when the kids come. Daycare fees are too high for me, so I've taken a leap of faith and pray that I can be successfull.
I feel like I'm back at school again...so much to learn. I wish I had more experience with computers. Each and every step I take is on a new curve so I'm learning something new everyday. Wish me luck and I'll keep posting my progress and pitfalls. Hopefully I can help someone else in my journey.

At Last!

Hi and welcome to my blog.
Why "At Last", you may be wondering....well, it's taken a long time to start my blog.
As many of you mom's will know, it's not easy doing a mothers juggle when you're trying to keep up with the rest of the world.
It's late at night and the kids are fast asleep so it "me time". That means I can sit in front of the TV with laptop in hand and start to type my thoughts without being disturbed. There's only one glitch....YAWN....that's right, I'm now feeling tired after a long day. How I look forward to Sundays as it truely is my only day of rest. Saturdays are filled with sports for the kids and many other tasks.
My alarm is set for 6.30am and back to the grindstone...wake up, get ready, don't take too long in the shower, sit still while you eat, hurry up or you'll be late.....and so on. One out of the door and time for the other one. You'd think it'd be easy with a middle schooler, but you couldn't be more wrong. Now they have mouths that talk back and their minds think they can do everything on their own. Why in that case do I still have to yell to get him out of the door on time so he doesn't miss his bus? Alas, a mothers juggle seems never ending.
Peace at last, now let the work day begin. I'll get into that on my next post so keep tuned.